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In The Throes

by John Moreland

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1.
I Need You to Tell Me Who I Am I’m staring at the sky with a lump inside my throat I’m as green as the grass in every song you wrote Well babe, I’m afraid I lost it before you knew I had it Boxes full of dust are falling from the attic I threw my love into the ocean and I found it in the sand And I need you to tell me who I am I got years worth of work and I’m running low on tools I’ve been worshiping the words of weary worn out fools We stood out on the sidewalk throwing feathers at the castle Be careful what you wish for, babe you look a little fragile And they’ll blow smoke in your direction til you don’t know where you stand And I need you to tell me who I am I never cared for anyone so much I was born with a bomb inside my gut You spend so long looking that you never really see I need you to tell me what to be Well babe, I’m afraid I lost it before you knew I had it I only wanted one thing and I put my faith in magic I threw my love into the ocean and I found it in the sand I need you to tell me who I am
2.
Nobody Gives a Damn About Songs Anymore I can’t remember when I’ve felt this lost I took a wrong turn trying to carry this cross Why’d I have to go and get blessed with a curse I’m chasing death or glory, whichever comes first One for the money, four on the floor You were born last week with your foot in the door I heard truth is what songs are for Nobody gives a damn about songs anymore You had everything you needed to get it all right You said you’re gonna get rich if it takes all night Should I go to Texas or Tennessee Or lock myself in Tulsa and throw away the key
3.
Blacklist 05:01
Blacklist I started up the engine and headed for the place we met I prayed to sister Juliette, smoked three packs of cigarettes I’m still trying to figure out forgiveness And keep track of all of my sins Just tell me you don’t love me, and I promise I won’t Darken your doorstep again This sure ain’t how I thought that it would feel to finally have made it I’ve arrived alive in Danbury, damn it’s overrated They put us back on the blacklist Well we never learned why we needed saved We took a ride trying to hide from the god Of early marriages and empty graves Last night, New York City was heaven, now I’m feeling low And how many stones did we roll, hoping hell would explode We read all the right books, we sang songs we misunderstood And with or without any reason, we did rebellion what justice we could So I’m trying not to think about home, and all that I miss I swallowed my pride, and I cried, cause we didn’t exist You said it’s now or never, well I never stop feeling that way We get turned around, our spirits break down, we just lie and say we’re ok Well the older I get, truth gets harder to find And famous false prophets get by off of robbing good men blind Maybe I don’t have it in me, maybe it doesn’t have me in it And if I don’t fly, that’s fine, just let me find the place where I fit
4.
Your Spell 03:18
Your Spell Well you know I used to love you, but now I don’t think I can And it ain’t you, it’s just that feeling’s more than I can stand I guess 9 or 10 years of failure will do that to a man I hope you understand We were 18 years of anger, bitter as the cold And baby, we knew emptiness like a panhandle road We’d pretend that we were dying, trying to survive And make it through those high school nights alive Remember the prom kings and queens, praised from afar And how the lights inside the high school made them look like movie stars Well you were the queen of my condition I was the king of the ignored You talked just like East Texas Looked like an angel from the lord I thought we’d bust out of Broken Arrow Holding hands on our way to hell You always did have me under your spell And all those pretty girls who looked like movie stars They look pretty ordinary, 28 years old Checking out at Walmart with babies in their arms
5.
3:59 AM 03:00
3:59 AM I’ve been living with a curse Combing through the pages of my youth There’s a million soggy miles Soaking through the soles of my shoes And I’ve been staying up all night I don’t give a damn to sleep anymore My eyelids are heavy But my dreams don’t sing like before And I apologize a thousand times for holding up the show I always had the words, but they don’t quite know where to go You said give me one good reason, now give me 20 more Don’t give yourself away to settle someone else’s score I got the guiltiest conscience Listening for a savior on a Saturday night I got my ear to the ground You got Easter Sunday in your eyes And I apologize if I seem a little overwhelmed I’m thirsty, but the holy keep on pissing in my well I had a purpose and a song that was true But I ain’t ever had a lick of sense when it comes to you So try to be patient, try to understand I’m a child, trying to do the work of a man My pockets are empty, I don’t own a thing But I’d take a diamond from the sky and put it in your ring
6.
Break My Heart Sweetly I swore the days were over, courting empty dreams I worshiped at the altar of losing everything And the guard I held together is losing all its shape And in my head you look so gorgeous, it’s keeping me awake There’s a scar on my soul, so let me down easy Break my heart sweetly, like you always do I guess I can’t let go til you wreck me completely Break my heart sweetly, drape me in blue I was never scared of nothing, I thought I had a home Life went and broke me open, cause I carried it alone I’m finding all this well worn sadness I never knew I kept And I still chase you into heartache every time you take a step I swore the days were over, courting empty dreams I worshiped at the altar of losing everything And you had a halo made of diamonds, resting on your head I should be dealing with my demons, but I’m dodging them instead
7.
Oh Julia 03:47
Oh Julia Julia, do you remember how the church bells rang How your Sunday dress looked, and how the angels sang But they kept us in a stranglehold, they filled our heads up with fear And I saw the light in your eyes disappear through the years Oh Julia I think I finally found the truth You gotta kill whatever’s been killing you Oh Julia Sunday morning on Main Street, with the walls closing in We washed the shame from our faces, left from last night’s sins Your mama told me she prayed for me, I think that I understood She must have seen something in me, I just doubt it was something good I just wanna let you know, I think I’m finally free Tell the congregation not to waste their grace on me
8.
God’s Medicine I guess by now, I’m supposed to be a man They said I’d find some kind of freedom when I forgot I had a say But my grandmother still gives me ten bucks on my birthday And she told me that sleep is god’s medicine And you’re gonna die someday So life, take all your terror And surrender to the true It’s times like these, I forget why I quit loving you And I recall when I thought I had a plan The sun and moon and stars seemed to slip right through my hands But remember that failure is part of being alive I guess I let it take away my pride One too many times I know you’re gonna leave me And there’s nothing I can do But times like these, I forget why I quit loving you So life take all your terror And surrender to the true It’s times like these, I forget why I quit loving you And I don’t know what I’m doing Hell, I don’t have a clue But times like these, I forget why I quit loving you I forget why I quit
9.
Gospel 03:36
Gospel I wanna make it out alive and never think about looking back I wanna drive like hell when I steal the devil’s Cadillac I wanna take that old Eldorado down a dirt road With How I Made it Over playing on the radio I wanna be solid as the earth and cool like the night air I wanna believe even thought I know life don’t play fair I wanna wear my heart on my sleeve, but be tough when I have to I wanna dust off the stars and hang them on the wall for you I wanna ask all the questions with answers we’ll never know I wanna find my faith in records from long ago I wanna set fear on fire, and give dreaming a fair shot And never give up whether anybody cares or not
10.
Blues & Kudzu I told myself I’m gonna come through I can’t see nothin’ but blues & kudzu 305 highway, don’t have much to say He sounds about like I do My grandad loves to watch the Braves play I stuffed my soul inside a suitcase A choir of cicadas and box fans sings Mississippi Goddam I’m just trying to leave behind yesterday I was wrong yet again I’m getting tired, telling god that I’m pissed at him I stuffed my soul inside a suitcase Set out for the 305 highway I’m cut off outright, magnolia midnight I’m just trying to leave behind yesterday

credits

released June 11, 2013

John Moreland: vocals, guitars, bass, harmonica, organ, piano, drums, percussion
Jerry Redd: piano on 7
Johnny Up: pedal steel on 2, 9
Steve Walden: drums on 9
Mike Williams: bass on 9

All songs by John Moreland
© 2013 FTWSNGS (BMI)

Recorded Dec 2011, Mar 2012, Oct - Nov 2012, Feb - Mar 2013
Dogwood Recording Service, Bixby, OK
Engineered and mixed by John Moreland
Mastered by Chris Harris at Hook Echo Sound, Norman, OK

Produced by John Moreland

Last Chance Records, 2013

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John Moreland Tulsa, Oklahoma

John Moreland doesn’t have the answers, and he’s not sure anyone does. But he’s still curious, basking in the comfort of a question, and along the way, those of us listening feel moved to ask our own. “I don’t ever want to sound like I have answers, because I don’t,” he says. “These
songs are all questions. Everything I write is just trying to figure stuff out.”
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